the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
