Define "chronic" masturbator.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
