i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
