Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
