Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
