Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize