Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
