God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
