Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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