I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When are your genitals available?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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