Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
