Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
