why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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