and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im six kinds of drunk right now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
