it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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