never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
