Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
