We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
