Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
