even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We have started to decorate penises.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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