I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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