Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
