ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
