That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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