She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize