There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
