break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
