I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
