My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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