That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
