Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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