I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
