Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
