You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
