This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
