I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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