I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
