Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Be still, my beating vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
