I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I love you.
Bad choice
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
