I am in a vortex of obligation.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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