That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
