It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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