Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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