what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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