He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
