I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
