I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
me + whiskey = a bad person
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
