coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
