I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
