i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So much rum. So many feels.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
