he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
where am i from again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
