1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
