Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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