I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
