Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
