I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
