you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
