I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
