I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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