Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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