The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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