can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
