i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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