It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
