Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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