let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
