That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
