Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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