Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
