After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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