So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
